


something bright and green is growing in the dark

by rosecake



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F!Cassian Andor, Gender or Sex Swap, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Injury Recovery, Multi, Rape recovery (rape not shown), Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:54:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21754093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosecake/pseuds/rosecake
Summary: Cassia’s dreams are dark and menacing but at the same time amorphous. Some instinct for self-preservation is at work in her, stopping her nightmares from coalescing into solid shapes.
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9
Collections: Writing Rainbow Green





	something bright and green is growing in the dark

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The_Wavesinger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Wavesinger/gifts).



Cassia’s dreams are dark and menacing but at the same time amorphous. Some instinct for self-preservation is at work in her, stopping her nightmares from coalescing into solid shapes.

For some indeterminable length of time it works. She sleeps, and it’s an uneasy sleep but it doesn’t hurt. Not until something cold glides along her left thigh, and then she is awake in an instant, lashing out with her fist. The movement is automatic, reflexive and done without thought, and she regrets it immediately. She exhales sharply between her teeth, trying not to scream as her cracked ribs grind painfully in her chest.

“Stay still, Cassia,” says Jyn, her voice familiar even though between the dim lighting and the bright stars bursting in her vision Cassia can barely make out her face. Her cold fingers ring Cassia’s wrist where she caught her attempted throw. “You shouldn’t move.”

There’s a lit flare on the floor, casting the room in a soft green glow, and they’re still on Kelran. They're still in the same room they interrogated her in, the same room they—

She tries to stand but Jyn holds her down. “We need to move,” Cassia says, her voice hoarse. A ten-person cell, and she’s not sure how many people Jyn came with, or what weapons they thought to bring. “They have—“

“You don’t have to worry about it,” says Jyn, her voice gratingly soft, still pushing her back down, and Cassia lets herself be pushed. She doesn’t have the strength to do anything else. “K2 is taking care of that part of it.”

Once Cassia goes still, Jyn presses a patch down over the bacta smeared across her thigh. She’s gentle, but it hurts anyway. K2 is taking care of the mission, and Jyn is taking care of Cassia.

Cassia swallows, tying to clear her head. It’s hard. Everything feels clouded, hazy. For a second she wonders why Jyn stripped her down to patch her up, but then a memory clicks into place and she realizes that Jyn found her already stripped. There’s already bacta and bandages smeared all over her body - across the blaster burn on her shoulder, around the deep cuts the cuffs left on her wrists, the bite mark on her breast. She swallows again, trying to keep down the bile rising in her throat.

Jyn must have been at it for a while. “How long?” asks Cassia.

“Since we found you? About an hour,” says Jyn. Jyn's coat is draped over her chest, along with her scarf, covering the places she's already bandaged. Cassia's not sure what happened to her own clothes, but she's got nothing on now that isn't Jyn's. “I’m sure they’re mostly dead now. K2 was moving very quickly.”

Cassia tries to stand, then, but she stops when a wave a dizziness hits her. “Stay down,” says Jyn, very gently. She sounds nervous, worried, and Cassia closes her eyes.

“Just stay where you are. K2 can carry you when he gets back.” She brushes a hand across Cassia’s forehead, briefly, and the coolness of her feels good against Cassia’s inflamed skin.

Still, Cassia wishes Jyn weren’t here. If she weren’t then Cassia could lie about it later. Or not even lie, she could just not mention it, keep it to herself tucked away with all the other secrets that she doesn’t tell Jyn or anyone else about. Now she’s going to have to figure out some other way to get Jyn to stop talking to her so softly.

“Cassia?” Jyn sounds far away, almost unreachable. “Cassia, can you hear me? We’ll be home soon.”

—

It hurts when K2 picks her up, it hurts the whole way back to _Home One_ , and then they put her in a bacta tank for a day and she climbs out as healthy and whole as she’s ever been. No scars, no burns, no bruises, no ugly reminders of the past two days left to deal with. No sign that Cassia Andor has ever had a hard day in her life.

Jyn doesn’t look directly at her as Cassia towels off the excess bacta. It’s not her first time in a tank, and it usually doesn’t bother her so much, but this time the slick, clinging feel of the bacta sets her teeth on edge. Jyn stares at the wall, giving Cassia privacy as she rubs her skin raw.

“How are you feeling?” Jyn finally asks. She brought Cassia’s clothes with her, and they’re neatly folded on the cot next to her.

“Fine.”

Jyn looks at her then, her face tight and unhappy, and Cassia wishes again that she hadn’t been there. “I am,” says Cassia.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Alright,” says Cassia, sighing “I _will_ be fine. Is that better?”

Jyn looks up at her, head titled, worry all over her face. Cassia doesn’t want her to be worried. “I’m sorry,” says Jyn. “I only-“

Cassia leans down and kisses her, not wanting to hear the rest of it.

It would be revisionist history to say that she wanted Jyn Erso from the start. Cassia’s first impressions of her weren’t particularly flattering. She’d though her hard, and worse than that, selfish, and it’s a wonder Cassia’s survived this long as a spy when she can still be so wrong about people.

It was close enough to the start, though. A day or two at most. So deeply compromised, and so quickly. She’d been disappointed with herself.

She has time to reflect on this as they kiss, until Jyn gently pulls away. “Cassia,” she says, licking her lips. “This feels— this feels like it’s a bad idea.”

“Please,” says Cassia, pressing her face into Jyn’s neck, letting her head rest against her shoulder. Jyn holds her, loosely, and Cassia knows Jyn loves her but she wants more than that right now. She wants more than a feeling. She wants something she can hold in her hands. “Come back with me. I don’t want to be alone.”

It almost feels manipulative, asking for what she wants, what she needs, but maybe that’s just because she’s so out of practice with being honest.

“Yes,” says Jyn. Her hands slide across Cassia’s back, pulling her closer. “Of course.”

—

It is, of course, too soon. As much as she wants it Cassia still tenses when Jyn slides her fingers inside her, but the feeling passes quickly enough, and if Jyn notices she doesn’t comment or slow down. And Cassia’s glad she doesn’t. Ever since Jyn stepped into her life things have been moving at breakneck speed, and she’s worried if she slows down now Jyn will slip right through her fingers. If Cassia waits until things are good, things are fine, the war is over, well, she might end up waiting forever.

And Cassia wants Jyn now.

After, on the edge of sleep, she feels strangely euphoric. Her memory is as sharp and clear as ever, and she hasn’t forgotten anything - not anything that has been done to her, or anything she herself has done. It’s all carved into her memory, even if the bacta’s wiped away any physical evidence.

It feels distant, though, with Jyn’s arms wrapped around her. Drowned out for now by the scent of her hair, the warmth and weight of her skin. And when she dreams again all she sees is light.


End file.
